Yesterday was back to back busy-ness filled with work, volunteering, and dinner with good friends. My three mile run didn’t happen, so I ran early this morning, and Yesterday was deemed my rest day.
This morning Eron and I are driving down to Frisco to do a little shopping (not the kind of shopping you might think). He is shopping and testing out guns he might like to invest in for his training in the police academy. I don’t mind tagging along because hot yoga is also on the agenda (so excited!!!!). After the 90 minute yoga class, we are going to shower and get gussied up for some fine dining at Fogo de Chao.
Fogo de Chao is a Brazilian steakhouse where you get as much meat as you can eat. They also have an elaborate salad bar, and since I am not the most avid meat eater, that is where I will be spending most of my time! This is one of Eron’s favorite restaurants, so we decided it would be a great place to celebrate his acceptance into the Police Academy.
When Eron first decided he wanted to become a police officer and apply to the academy, I had a lot of conflicting emotions. At first I was happy that he was so excited and felt strongly about his purpose in this. Then the reality of the position hit me.
Law enforcement has a lot of responsibility… A few things that ran through my mind: He is going to be gone a lot. He might get terrible hours and I may never see him… He may love his work so much that he won’t want to come home. I asked questions like “What about me? If this is his purpose, where is mine?”
Then I did something bad… I Googled spouses of police officers. The very first thing that came up in google was Stress Encountered by Police Wives. This site is terrible and goes on and on about being lonely, feeling like a single parent, etc.
My first thought was, crap, obviously there are issues. Then the spiraling fears began. My biggest fear was/is how am I going to continue to be a good wife, support him, raise a family (way in the future), and stay strong when I need him and he may not be there for me.
Fears. Irrational. Selfish. Lacking in faith.
You might think that a wife would be worked up about the dangers in the profession, but my fears are very self-centered. For some reason I can trust God with his safety and whatever happens, but not with quality family time. Hmmm. After pity parties and anxiety attacks my lack of faith in the plans God has for us was revealed. I realized that My fears are out of line. I still freak out about where my purpose in all of this might be, but needing God more has given me peace about Eron’s purpose. I can take the pressure off Eron to live up to my expectations and instead encourage him to live up to God’s purpose for him.
“Fear only bothers you when you do something that matters.” And “100 percent of the dreams you don’t start, fail.” Jon Acuff