During some time alone with the Lord this morning, I was praying about my life, my plans, my hopes, and wants. Simply having a conversation about what I might want in my life and then recognizing that I don’t want to continue making up these plans for myself. It is stressful and hard to pursue the life that I think I should be living. I am almost always anxious when I think about the future.
Just yesterday, I surrendored my ideas and my plans to God. I told Him, “Lord, I don’t want to stress out like this anymore, I want to be free from planning. I am leaving it all up to you.” I even turned my palms up to Him. I couldn’t help it, I just needed Him to take it from me so badly. After praying this prayer, I smiled, got up from my spot and danced around a little. Free.
That maybe lasted a few hours before I was searching the internet for jobs, career opportunities, and asking can the horse industry really be the place for me. I gave it up, but then I took it back. This is a struggle for me.
Back to this morning…. Praying, realizing where my thoughts were going, I cried out to the Lord. “Jesus, forgive me, this is an ongoing thought process I have.” Has anyone heard of the insanity cycle? Albert Einstein describes it as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. In my case, I keep trying to take control of my life, and it is resulting in anxiousness, worry, stress, etc. “I continued, “Forgive me Lord, I need to pray about this every day, maybe more than once a day. I want to go where you want me to go. Do what You want me to. I am giving it all up to You.” I told the Lord, “I want you to lead me, to direct me in ways that I know could only be from you.”
This prayer time is time I spend alone, just me and the Lord, but I am so happy to share this. I don’t think I am the only one who worries about the future, or likes to take things into their own hands. I really will have to pray about it often. Maybe you guys can hold me accountable now.
This was the second part of my prayer this morning… That I live obediently to what the Lord asks. Not just me either, but Eron too. I prayed that we are both so determined to live out the Lord’s plans for our lives that we would be willing to do anything or go anywhere for him. I said, “I will go where you want me to go Lord. Even if it’s Europe. Even if it’s Mexico. Ok, Even if it is staying in Wichita Falls.”
He is in charge, and I no longer need to carry the burden. Free.
“I wait for the LORD, my should waits, and in His word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:5
I am SO thankful for a God who loves me, for the Holy Spirit who guides me, and for Jesus Christ who rescued me.